Jan 24 2007
Collection of funny language mistakes
Recently, I made a post called "The worst language mistake in history". This was a really great post for a few reasons. One, it was very highly ranked on www.reddit.com, two, it brought YourJapanlots of new visitors and a couple of new contributors, and three, awhole bunch of people wrote in, or left comments sharing theirembarrassing language mistake stories. Here is a collection of thefunniest stories for you. I hope you enjoy them. If you have any more,please post them in comments.
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Back in the seventies,Mike Walsh on his TV show broadcast around Australia said to a youngFrenchwoman the only French he knew which was from a song popular atthe time, "Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?" The woman lookedquite startled as he had just asked her if she wanted to sleep with himthat night.
Posted by Mike Lewis 09 Jan 2007, 15:37
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Thereis another funny Japanese mistake that is easy to make. In Japan it iscommon for rain to begin in the evening, a phenomenon known as"yuu-dachi" (yuu = evening, dachi = stand up or start).
Fromthis one might well think you could replace the Japanese word forevening "yuu" with the word for morning "asa" to describe a scenariowhere rain begins in the morning.
So one time I was on my way tomy junior high school job in Saitama Prefecture and it suddenly startedraining heavily. I had to go back and get my rain gear or I’d be soakedby the time I got there, but this unfortunately made me a few minuteslate.
Now in Japan it is customary when entering the office,or in this case the teacher’s room, to say, "Osoku natte sumimasen"("Sorry for being late") upon entering, loud enough for everyone tohear, and then briefly explain the reason.
So I rush into theteacher’s room, while stripping off my rain gear. All eye are on me asI bellow, "Osoku natte sumimasen!" and see everyone really appreciatethat I knew the correct Japanese for that situation. Their encouraginglooks embolden me, so I go ahead and explain the reason: "Ookiiasa-dachi ga arimashita node…" but I can’t finish the sentencebecause first some students who were about, and then all the staff,suddenly burst into uproarious laughter. I can’t figure out why they’relaughing, so I laugh with them and go sit down at my desk.
Lateras I’m on my way to class some students see me in the hall and say,"Sensei! Biiiiig penis!! …Do you asa-dachi???" And I start to get thefrist inkling I said something really embarrassing. I soon found outwhat "Ookii asa-dachi ga arimashita node" means. It means, "I’m latebecause I had giant morning wood"!
The students, especially,never let me live that down, and I had to fend off kids trying to grabmy cock for the rest of the year.
Posted by Amanojack(Get Girls) 09 Jan 2007, 16:14
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Ata party in my small apartment, my friends over for dinner commented onhow quiet the place was. The lady in the apartment above hadunfortunatly suffered a brain hemmorrhage some time back and theapartment was empty. Not knowing the medical terminology in Japanese, Itried to explain her condition by explaining that the blood vessel inher head had expanded putting pressure on her brain. Their eyes widenedconsiderably with looks of incredulity as I explained. Blood = ketsu;Pipe = kan; Blood vessel = Blood Pipe = Kekkan; the word I usedtranslates as roughly "Ass Pipe" (ketsukan); They were visibly relievedto finally understand the situation…
Posted by Captain Bogus 09 Jan 2007, 19:37
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Firsttime I set a foot in Germany, I was invited to a restaurant with manypeople. I was sitting next to a young german girl who spoke excellentenglish. At some point she asked kindly: "do you speak german?". Iwanted to say: "Not well, but I will try with you". Only thing is: Idid not know the word for "try". Being bold and all, I used an oldtrick to create vocabulary when you don’t have it: germanize theenglish word. So "try" became "treiben", and I promptly told her:"Nein, aber mit Dir werde ich treiben".
There was a pause in allconversations at that point, and any german-speaker around erupted withlaughter immediately afterwards. I blushed beyond anything you canpossibly imagine but nobody would translate what I just said.
Ittook me years to find out, because every time I told the story tosomeone they would start laughing uncontrollably and refuse totranslate. Until I found a dear soul who told me "treiben" is the mostvulgar way of saying you want to have sex. Which basically translatesmy efforts to: "Not well, but I will do you". Not the nicest thing tosay (in public) to a girl you first met 15 minutes ago.
Posted by Nicolas 09 Jan 2007, 19:45
Afriend of mine has lived in Japan for several years. First time hismother comes around, he introduces her to his Japanese friends: "dearfriends, this is my mother Diana", and sees them trying to get a gripon themselves to avoid laughing in her face. Apparently, "Dai-Ana"means "large orifice" in japanese. News about Lady Diana must have beenfun to read!
Story by Nicolas
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I went toquebec and asked for a "large poutine",. However , im do not speakfrench very well so I was to this overly large women at the restaurant,"grand pootin". She gave me a blank stare and did not take my order.According to my french teacher that is "Big lesbian"
Story by Hodgie
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Anaquaintance was asked what he wanted for lunch while in germany. Whathe tried to order was a small bucket of fried chicken [huhn], butactually ordered a bucket of fried puppies! [hunchen]
Story by Osmanthus
reddit_url=’http://firefly.yourjapan.jp/post/2/233′
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While looking for breadcrumbs (”panko”) in a grocery store, I made the mistake of asking a female shopkeeper for “manko” (slang for vagina) instead!
ow. Heh, thats pretty bad. The nice thing about making a mistake like that, is that you will never, ever make it again..!
About the “grande pootin” one — here “poutine” (rimes with ‘teen’) is a local food, but “putain” (almost the same word, but without the final ‘e’) means prostitute. So, yes, it would be pretty funny to see someone ask for a large hooker, although so many English speakers make that mistake that it’s doubtful someone would make a big deal about it…
Congrats to Clevershark for decrypting Hodgie’s story; I was wondering what a poutine had to do with lesbians (the answer was: nothing) and why it was a problem to order one.
One time getting off a bus in Germany, I tried to casually say goodbye to the bus driver. I meant to say “tchuss” (ruddy international characters, I have no idea how to do an sz). However, I had a momentary brain-fart, turned round and, grinning broadly, said “schwul!” very loudly to the driver. Which of course means “gay”.
Clevershark, cheers for making that clear!
Dave, that made me laugh out loud. Thanks for sharing.
I ordered leberkase mit sahne (liverwurst with cream) instead of leberkase mit semmeln (roll). Ugh. High school german doesn’t help in the real world.
When I lived in Estonia I wanted to say to my friend, ‘Have you been to the shops today?’ But my Estonian is not good and what I said came out as ‘Is this a big horse you are riding?’ I felt so embarrassed.
For the poutine people, you might find it easier (and funnier) to remember the pronounciation with “poo - teen”. That’s exactly how it’s pronounced. Also, you must have had either a really strong accent, or the bad luck to come across the bitchiest fast-food girl ever, because as Clevershark said, we hear that all the time and don’t mind… ^_^