All the old posts from the old Your-Japan.com on the Your-Japan Blog Network

To continue:

Sukiko had just recommended that I go and walk to the park to talk to Fujiomi. I really couldn¡Çt think of a better alternative, so I went and got my jacket and headed outside. The park is really only two blocks away, but I must have been dragging my feet something fierce, because it took me an ETERNITY to get there. I admit, I wasn¡Çt too keen on talking to him, but I knew I had to. I really hoped that he would be willing to talk to me as well.

I got to the park- and be warned, in Japan, ¡Èparks¡É are just areas of free space with relatively short grass, maybe a swing or two, and a bench- but when I looked around, he wasn¡Çt there. A tree blocked the bench, so I thought that was probably where he was, and I started walking over. However, when I looked down at the grass to watch where I was stepping, a black form in the distance caught my eyes and I narrowed my vision, trying to make out what it was. I stopped walking, and leaned to the side, trying to make out the silhouette of whatever it was. A person? I¡Çd heard of the homeless and some travelers sleeping in parks when they had nowhere else to go (Az in Tokyo immediately popped into mind), but somehow that didn¡Çt really seem likely. This person was sprawled on the grass on his or her back, and looked unconscious. I took another nervous glace around. No one walking by. If this person were dangerous, there would be no one to help me. Immediately, I shook my head and sighed. Idiot- it¡Çs probably just Fujiomi. Stop thinking like an American. You know that there¡Çs way less crime here; just go over to him and say ¡ÈHey.¡É

I began walking over, but Fujiomi didn¡Çt move. I stopped maybe a yard from him, and called out his name. No answer.

I sighed. He¡Çs ignoring me again. I called his name out louder. Why doesn¡Çt he answer?

I looked at him and waited a few moments, thinking quickly. He¡Çs a light sleeper- he should have heard me. I walked over, saying his name twice before I knelt next to him, really afraid. His eyes were shut, and he still hadn¡Çt moved. I gripped his shoulders and shook him, practically screaming, ¡ÈFUJIOMIIIII!¡É

He BOLTED UP, nearly head-butting me, and looked at me like I was a lunatic. He pulled two small earphones from inside his ears and turned off his MP3 player, and looked at me in complete and utter shock- mouth open, eyes wide. He just stared at me, and I felt like an idiot. When he did speak, he asked just what I knew he would.

¡ÈWHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT FOR??¡É

Me: I thought you had been mugged or you fainted or something.

Fujiomi: WHAT?!

Me: I called out your name, and you didn¡Çt respond, and you kept lying there even when I was right next to you!

Fujiomi: You didn¡Çt have to go and shake the fucking hell out of me, though! Jesus- I was lying here in peace, listening to my music, and next thing I know YOU¡ÇRE here- banging my shoulders into the ground repeatedly and screaming your head off. What do you WANT, anyway? Did you come out here just to try and scare me?

Me: NO. Don¡Çt flatter yourself. I came out here to, uhh¡Ä.Well, I think that you and I need to talk.

He looked at me like, ¡ÈYou MUST be kidding.¡É

Fujiomi: ¡ÈTalk¡É?

Me: Yes. We need to talk.

Fujiomi: And what if I don¡Çt WANT to talk to you?

He started to get up, but I grabbed his sleeve and jerked him back down.

Me: Then you will be PROVING to me that you really ARE the jackass you¡Çve been acting like for the past MONTH.

He didn¡Çt really respond, so I sighed and told him, ¡ÈLook, I am sorry if my being here has made you uncomfortable, or unhappy. I never meant for that. But stop being such an ASS about it, okay? I understand that I can¡Çt make everyone like me, and that includes you. I am really trying not to get in your way or bug you at school. But you always have some kind of put-down for me, and it¡Çs like you¡Çre deliberately trying to ruin my stay here. I don¡Çt care if you don¡Çt like me, but you we at least be civil to each other?¡É

I think that¡Çs more or less what I said, but I¡Çm not sure if it was quite the same in Japanese. In any case, he sighed, leaned forward, and started pulling up grass blades. Yeah. That¡Çs what he did. In complete silence, he sat Indian-style and began plucking blades of grass. I waited for an answer. Nothing. I looked around, not sure if I should keep waiting or go on back to the house. It was actually a fairly decent park- there were about two other benches, with a nice sized play set for kids. There were quite a few trees, too. The plum blossoms and cherry blossoms are just beginning to bloom openly, so hopefully we will get to go to a hanami this weekend. I was about to give up hope when he mumbled something and caught me off guard.

Me: What? Did you say something?

Fujiomi: I said, does your stomach still hurt? In the place where I hit you?

Me: Oh¡ÄUh, no, no- it¡Çs fine. You didn¡Çt hit me real hard, but I had a stomach ache at the time, so it hurt really bad.

Fujiomi: Onee-san told me. I¡Çm really sorry. I should have never hit you. If I had known that you were sick¡ÄYou were in pain, trying to talk to me. And I hit you. I made you feel even worse.

I felt bad for him. He was obviously really guilty about it. But- anything that I could have said, like ¡ÈIt wasn¡Çt your fault,¡É ¡ÈI shouldn¡Çt have bugged you,¡É ¡ÈDon¡Çt worry about it,¡É would have been a lie. So I agreed with him instead.

Me: ¡ÄYeah. You were a real asshole.

Him: That doesn¡Çt really make me feel any better, you know.

Me: I didn¡Çt come out here to make you feel better. It was your fault you hit me, and made my stomach worse. But the fact is that my stomach is better now, and I understand why you did what you did. I came out here because I want to know why you hate me, and if there is any way we can get along.

Him: I do NOT hate you! I already told you that.

Me: No, you said you don¡Çt ALWAYS hate me. Which means you hate me some of the time. So you still hate me.

Him: Well, I didn¡Çt mean it that way, okay? I don¡Çt hate you.

Me: Then what IS it?? Why do you always tease me, and make me feel bad, and tell me to go home?

Him: Because you SHOULD be home! You should be with your family, eating your own food and going to your own school and going out with your own friends. I know that you struggle with living here, and that you miss your own life. I couldn¡Çt imagine what possessed you to fly over here and try to live like us.

Me: Because I WANTED to. I wanted to open my eyes and experience a culture different from my own! Besides, you can¡Çt tell me what to do! I worked hard to get here and make it this far. Why should you care where I go or how I live?

Him: I don¡Çt. It¡Çs your life.

Me: But you still don¡Çt want me here.

Him: I never wanted you here.

He didn¡Çt even pause- he just straight up said it, completely serious. I didn¡Çt really know how to respond to that for a few minutes, so I shook my head and looked away. This is exactly our problem, I thought, We just can¡Çt understand each other.

Me: Do you want me to leave, then?

Him: Huh?

Me: You JUST SAID that you never wanted me here in the first place. Should I leave, then?

Him: Wait- no, uh, when I said I never wanted you here, that was a mistake. Jeez- it came out wrong, okay? Don¡Çt get upset, please. Shit- uh, give me a minute to think¡Ä

I just looked at him, really frustrated and tired. And hungry. And cold. He alternated between running his hands through his hair and covering his mouth with his hand. After a few moments of silence he turned to me, looked me right in the eyes, and started talking really slowly.

Him: Okay¡ÄWhen I said that I never wanted you here¡Äthat was true. When Onee-san said that she had gotten an American match from the exchange company, she told us all about you. I thought, Great, another American otaku trying to pass off as a Japanese. The more she told us about you, the more that I didn¡Çt want you here. I told myself that¡Ä.I would ignore you, and live apart from you. That way, you could have your Japanese excursion while I could live my normal life. But¡ÄI didn¡Çt really think about how you would be living WITH me. ALL the time. No matter where I was, you were there, too. Everyone in school made a fuss about you. That made me mad, too. When the lunch money got stolen, you were right in the middle of it, and it was my fault. When I was on the train with my friends going home from Shibuya- Ta da!- there you were. You were everywhere I was, and it made me mad. I didn¡Çt even know how much you were suffering, too, until I saw you crying.

He paused, but I didn¡Çt say anything. I had really been hoping we didn¡Çt have to bring that up, but it wasn¡Çt like I could deny it.

Me: I was crying about losing my passport. It had nothing to do with you.

Him: I know that now. But when I saw you, I thought that maybe you had gotten so sick of being in Japan that you¡Çd lost it, and it was all my fault. Even with your passport, if I had not treated you so badly, you would have been more comfortable coming to me and asking me where it was, instead of crying by yourself.

Me: So if you know all that, why don¡Çt you treat me nicer? If there are things that I do or say that piss you off, I¡Çll try to stop.

Him: I tried being nice by walking you to school last morning. I know that I always leave the house early, but you at least get to walk with Onee-san to school. Now that she is helping her friend out in the morning, you have to walk alone. I skipped my meeting to eat breakfast and walk with you, and all I got was a lecture from the teacher. I was pissed about that, and blamed it on you, even though it was my choice. Then, when you showed up and bugged me about it, I got mad and ended up hurting you.

Me: You don¡Çt have to go that far. I don¡Çt expect you to go so far out of your way for me, when you didn¡Çt even want me here to begin with.

Him: Then what do you want? I¡Çve been trying to figure it out for a while now, but I keep reaching dead ends! If I ignore you, I get called on for it by my family and friends, but if I try to be nice, I fuck it up and make things worse than before. Tell me- what do I say and do with you? What is the right thing to do?

Me: Just relax. You don¡Çt need to be super polite or anything. A little common courtesy is all I ask. And STOP telling me to go home. It upsets me. I had to work really hard to learn Japanese, get my grades up, and get the right recommendations to come here.

Him: Okay. And at school?

Me: The same thing. A little ¡Èhello¡É in the halls would be nice, but you don¡Çt have to. If you need to tell me something, like you won¡Çt be home until late, tell me yourself. Stop using Sukiko as a messenger. She hates it and so do I.

Him: Is that all?

Me: I can¡Çt give you a manual, you know! Figure it out!

After that, we agreed it was time to go home and we walked together. Fujiomi told me that he often goes to that park at night, so if I were to see him again, to not freak out again. Since then, I have to admit that Fujiomi has been¡ÄWell- ¡Èa gentleman¡É would be going too far. But he has been nicer and much more thoughtful. He doesn¡Çt say ¡ÈHi¡É to me in school, but if we walk past one another, he does that chin-lift thing at me. You know, that move that guys do to say ¡ÈHi¡É, but it¡Çs more of a, ¡ÈHey-I¡Çll-just-flick-my-head-in-your-general-direction-to-acknowledge-your-presence¡É type of thing. He, I, and Sukiko all walked to school together yesterday morning, and he bought me a hot milk coffee from a vending machine. I was fascinated. I mean, It was HOT. And tasty. And even when I spilled some soup on his pant leg this morning, he didn¡Çt get mad! He kind of glared at it, but he simply helped me wipe it up and waited for the wet spot in his knee to dry before he left for school. He said in return for not yelling at me, though, I have to make him a bento for lunch one day. I¡Çm not sure if he was serious¡Ä

Looks like I won¡Çt have time to tell you about karaoke. Until next time, then! I plan on updating on Friday or Saturday (American time), so please look forward to it.

Getting girls is like a driving a car. There are some really cool enhancements you can get for better performance, many of which can be found in this blog. The problem is, most guys are attempting to drive the car with the emergency brake on.

Unaware of this, they come looking for new techniques that can “pimp their ride.” They get fuel injection, engine upgrades, improved aerodynamic mods — the works. After each enhancement, they notice the car is performing better and moving faster…

…But they never achieve the peak-level performance they could. Even with all the upgrades, their pickup vehicle still grinds quickly to a halt whenever they aren’t gunning it. All the while they are doing a lot of damage to the vehicle itself. If only they would notice that the emergency brake was on, they’d be cruisin’ free and easy.

In picking up girls, there is not just one emergency brake, but rather a whole host of little brakes that subtly hold guys back. Fix even one of these and you’ll bolt forward in the game immediately.

1) Lack of sexual confidence

To truly succeed, you must believe in what you’re doing. How can you justify rushing into sex unless you are 100% confident you can rock her world? Any improvement in sexual confidence will immediately shine through in all your interactions with women.

Release: Focus on pleasing the girls you have now - just because it’s easier to get chicks in Japan, don’t be a lazy-ass and neglect your girls. If you have no girls now, get a girl to practice on — she doesn’t have to be hot — and learn to give her the time of her life. If you can rock a not-so-hot girl, you can rock a hot girl just as well.

2) Low self-esteem

This one will weaken you in every area of your life, including pickup. Everything you try simply won’t work as well, and no pickup techniques can truly give you the lasting success you are after.

Release: The only way is to get your self-esteem up. Get busier working toward goals you want to achieve. If you have no job, get one. If you have a bad job, start taking definite steps to find a better one. Discipline yourself to do the things each day that you know hold the most value for you. Study things that are very worthwhile to you and gain new skills that will help you in the future. Endeavor to try new things that scare you — like approaching women cold.

The more time you spend each day doing something you find truly valuable to your life, the higher your self-esteem will go, and the better you’ll do with girls in all interactions.

3) Issues with women

Maybe you had a terrible relationship or two and have some emotional baggage left over. Maybe you even have some scars in relation to talking to or showing your feelings to women. Just about every guy has gone through some hard times with chicks, whether major or minor. As I said in #1, you must really believe in what you are doing in order to succeed. Any leftover anger toward or fear of women will necessarily affect your ability to pull. Or you might get a lot of girls, but not be able to truly respect and enjoy them. Plus the types of girls you can get will be limited to those who can’t detect these issues because they have similar issues themselves.

Release: First, learn to forgive and forget. Every person you’ve ever interacted with was — like you — just trying to get along in the world the best way they know how. Holding grudges against girls or even against guys is purely counter-productive and will eventually destroy your game. Forgive and apologize to everyone, even if only in your own mind.

If you can’t do that yet, you need to take two steps first: stop taking it personally and stop justifying your negative feelings to yourself. If you stop these two things, you actually won’t be able to experience those feelings anymore.

If you can’t even do that yet, there is one final solution for all past problems: simply refuse to blame anyone or anything for what happened (including yourself). Amazingly, if you refuse to blame anyone ever, it is impossible to feel negative emotions about anything. Failed pickup? Don’t blame the girl or guy who got in the way. Don’t blame Japanese society. Simply think about how you could work around it next time. Human negative feelings can only operate through placing blame on something, in essense by looking to the past. If you refuse to blame you will find yourself focused on the future, which is essential for this and any other endeavor.

4) Amateur mistakes and wrongheaded ideas

Society feeds us many ideas about women and male-female interaction that are totally wrong. In Japan and elsewhere many guys still believe that the best way to get a girl is to shyly confess your love for her straight out, or write her a love letter, spend tons of money on her, etc. Few people understand that the fastest way to love is through sex, and even if they are just after sex they don’t understand what makes a women desire it and how the process works.

Release: Bits and pieces you read in this blog will gradually give you the understandings and attitude you need to avoid these mistakes and undo that social programming, if you keep an open mind. Many times I will just tell you straight out, “Do this!” or “Don’t do this!” But the overall attitude in my posts and comments should give you a lot of hints as well. The attitude of any guy who is successful with the kinds of women you want can be taken as a better model than that of any guy who is not.

Always be working to bring up these four elements. They are the very core of your “inner game”–the internal psychological basis for all success in pickup and everything I ever speak about in this blog.

Okay- this is the second time I’m writing this. Negating the fact that PMS has hit me like a brick wall, and that I constantly feel like beating a small child to death just to make me feel better about myself, I went into a RAGE when my nice, long post- mere sentences away from being updated- just DIED on me. Yeah.

So, Sorry for not updating on Friday like I said I would, but a lot of other things happened that I wanted to include so here it is. You can all stop rioting in the streets now.

It all began on Thursday. Sukiko shook me awake around 6:30 and said something about Mai and that she was going to leave for school early. I was dead to the world and just agreed with what she said before immediately drifting back to sleep. Forty-five minutes later, I snap awake and look at the clock. I’m late. Shit- I’m only running ten minutes late, but I’m still pissed I got off to a late start. I bolt off the futon and grab my uniform. As I take off my night shorts, I see- blood. I turn back to check and, yes, I got blood on the futon, too.

Great, I thought, now they’re going to have to do some Shinto purifying ritual because I bled on their sheets. Just great.

It is at this moment that I realize my skirt doesn’t fit. Or, to be more specific, my water-weight has made the waistband of my skirt unbearably tight. I slip on bra- tender, swollen boobs, too?? GODAMMIT! I grab my bag and race out the door. One quick look around confirms my suspicion that Sukiko and Fujiomi are already gone. I’m going to have to go to school on my own, I guess.

It was cold and WAY too windy for my skirt, but I managed to get on the right train and speed walk to school, emanating enough Pissed Mist to keep people out of my way. I barely made it to school on time (and this is when I found out that they close the school gates when the bell rings! I could have gotten locked OUT of school!) and generally just hated the world. Fortunately, the teachers noticed my Intense Glare, and didn’t try to call on me or make me do anything. I guess when they’re faced with an EXTREMELY hormonal gaijin, they just don’t want to fuck with that.

At lunch, I told Sukiko what was going on, and she, Mai, and Nana all felt appropriately sympathetic. Nana even said something that made me laugh: “I didn’t even know Western girls HAD periods. The way the go around, all happy and smiling all the time, you’d think they didn’t have cycles at all.” I reassured her that wasn’t true.

On the way home, the four of us saw a group of touring foreigners get stopped by a policeman (we were across the street). They all started taking out their papers and passports to show him they were legal, and Sukiko told me that I was lucky I didn’t get stopped like that all the time. She asked me if I carried my passport with me just in case, and I said that I always carried it with me. I reached into my bag to show her, but something was wrong. I opened the flap of my leather bag all the way and looked inside. It wasn’t there.

“SHIT.” The English profanity echoed through the alleyways. Mai and Nana looked over at Sukiko, who hesitated.

Sukiko: We were planning to go out to do some karaoke tonight, but if you don’t have your passport, you really shouldn’t be walking around here. You could get in big trouble, and so could we. You’re going to have to go home right now to find it, Pandora-san.

She said that when I found it, to call her cell and she would give me directions to the karaoke place, but that really didn’t make me feel any better. However, given the circumstances, I agreed, and hauled ass back home. No one was home when I got there, so I had to hop the back gate and let myself in the back door. After a quick stop in the bathroom, I began searching the house. I looked on every tabletop, every inch of counter space, beneath furniture. I threw zabuton cushions in the air and went through every drawer. I especially tore apart the room Sukiko and I share. Bags, suitcases, and purses were dumped out onto the floor. Drawers were rifled through over and over, and I checked the pocket of every pair of pants, jeans, and jacket I owned.

Nothing.

Exhausted from my frenzied searching, I sat back on my knees in the middle of the room, and I cried. I cried because I was so far away from home, and I missed my family and friends. I cried because I missed going to my own school with my own uniforms and not having to worry about being an “outsider”. I cried because I was angry with myself, for losing something so important. I was so frustrated that I was so pathetic that I couldn’t even keep track of that ONE LITTLE THING. I cried so hard that I never even heard Fujiomi come home. The next thing I knew was that someone was knocking on the door really loudly, and I instantly held my breath, scared that I was going to get caught crying.

I turned my back on the door right as I heard the knob turn. I heard Fujiomi say, “Mom told me to give you your passport, but I didn’t know you would beat me home. Here you go.”

I tried my damndest to swallow the lump in my throat and get my voice back to normal, But I knew my lips were still red and my eyes were still wet and bloodshot, so I didn’t risk turning around. “Okay,” I told him, trying to sound natural, “Thanks.” I hoped and prayed with all my might that he would just put it on the dresser and walk away.

That’s when me must have noticed how DEMOLISHED the room was because he asked me in a really angry voice, “What’s wrong with the room? Did YOU do this??”

I couldn’t really think of a justifiable excuse, so I just muttered, “I was…looking for my…passport.” A sob escaped before I could stop it, and I sniffed. Just get out! Leave me alone!

He paused, then asked concerned, “Are you okay?”

Don’t cry, Don’t cry, Don’t cry, Don’t cry, Don’t cry, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PANDORA, do NOT start crying again!!! I focused all my efforts on keeping my tears down, to keep my breathing normal so that he would go away. That LAST thing I wanted was someone like HIM to catch me crying. I knew that he would only say something even more hurtful, and I was not able to deal with something like that.

That’s when he did something I NEVER would have expected.

And NO, you morons waiting for a “happy ending”. He didn’t kiss me.

I heard him shut the door before he walked over to me, and put his arm around my shoulders before asking gently “What’s the matter?”

I couldn’t form words. I had just gone through a monstrous temper tantrum that eventually led to me breaking down in tears, and now the boy that’s hated my very existence was comforting me. Hell must be freezing over. Besides, it actually made me want to cry even more. He gave my shoulders a squeeze and kept talking in that soft voice- the kind of voice a person uses to calm a crying two-year-old. “No need to be upset. I didn’t steal it. It’s right here. Mom needed the ID number off it for those forms, remember? Here-” He took my hand with his free one, and put the passport in it, and wrapped my fingers around it for me. “-stop crying okay? Don’t be mad at me.”

I sniffed and looked at my passport in my hands, ducking my head down on purpose so my bangs would hide my splotchy cheeks and runny nose. “You’re ALWAYS mad at me. Besides, I’m smart enough to know you didn’t steal it. I just forgot your mom had it, and I was upset because I thought I had lost it. That’s all.”

“Then why are you still crying?” Fujiomi tried to use his free hand to move my bangs out the way, but I pushed his hand away and took his arm from my shoulder. I didn’t know why I was still crying, but I was embarrassed about it, and I hated that he brought it up. I wiped my eyes and sniffed.

“I am NOT crying anymore. Just go away.”

He sighed and stood up. He walked towards the door, but just as I thought he’d walked out, a small pack of tissue sailed through the air and landed next to my knee. I heard him say, “I’m not always mad at you, Pandora.” and then he shut the door and left.

Jackass, I thought as I ripped out a tissue and blew my nose on it. That night passed by like normal. I called Sukiko after I calmed down, but she said that Nana had gotten in trouble, and that they weren’t going to do karaoke after all. She was going to walk Mai home and then come home herself. She and I did our homework, the family had dinner and bathed, and then we went to bed.

I remember laying in my futon, thinking about Fujiomi¡Çs question: Why are you still crying? To be honest, I didn¡Çt know. But I was surprised that Fujiomi was so nice. A large part of me wondered if he had just been mocking me, and I was worried he would tell all of his friends what a whiny baby I was. Sukiko shook me awake the next morning, and I actually woke up. She said that she needed to go help Mai at school again; I think Mai is some kind of student/teacher advocate thing, because she¡Çs always the one that makes copies for the teachers and takes stuff to the office and the teachers¡Ç room. Sukiko apologized for leaving me alone again, but I said it was okay and she left. I went ahead and got up and went through my usual morning routine.

((Side note: Sukiko told her mom what happened to the sheets, and she managed to get the blood right out. I¡Çm glad she didn¡Çt embarrass me by mentioning it, but I AM wondering what kind of super-cleaner got bloodstains like THAT out of white fabric. I¡Çm going to have to find out before I leave.))

I ran into Fujiomi on the way to the toilet, and he was already fully dressed.

¡ÈGoing to school?¡É I asked him, immediately feeling like an idiot for asking such a ¡ÈThere¡Çs-your-sign¡É-esque question. While I fully expected him to reply with, ¡ÈNo, I just like wearing the uniform.¡É Fujiomi just nodded and went down the hall. Silence again, I see.

I took my time getting cleaned up and dressed, and when I went into the kitchen I saw I still had about an extra twenty minutes. I¡Çm not usually a morning person, but I mildly contemplated fixing myself some breakfast before heading out- real breakfast, mind you, not fish and rice. While I warmed up a pan on the Barbie-sized stovetop, I heard the kitchen door open.

Me: Fujiomi? I thought you went to school.

Fujiomi: What are you cooking?

I frowned- he completely ignored my question, as usual.

Me: Breakfast.

And he just SAT at the table while I cooked, like nothing was unusual. I made myself some cheese-eggs, and shame on you if you don¡Çt know what those are. When I went to go get a plate, Fujiomi spoke up again and said, ¡ÈGet two plates.¡É I thought he was going to make himself breakfast, but instead, when I went to the table with my plate of eggs and his empty plate, he took MY plate, scraped half the eggs onto HIS plate, and proceeded to eat them.

Me: HEY! Those are my eggs!

Fujiomi: Actually, you¡Çre eating OUR food.

Me: But I cooked them!

Fujiomi: Yeah, and you didn¡Çt even do that right.

Me: Then don¡Çt eat them!

Fujiomi: Too late.

Sure enough, he had wolfed the whole plate down, and he stood up and said, ¡ÈLet¡Çs go.¡É I looked at the clock, took a few big bites of cheesy-egg goodness, then stood up, put the plates in the sink and followed him. We weren¡Çt even to the corner when he reached over and rubbed my cheek raw with the cuff of his sleeve. I was startled, to say the least.

Me: WHAT THE FU–!

Fujiomi: Settle down- you have shit all over your face and I was getting it off for you.

Me: Oh¡Ä

I wiped my face, and JUST as I was going to say thank you, he said: ¡ÈI would have died of embarrassment if anyone had seen you like that. I have a reputation to uphold.¡É

That pissed me off, but I didn¡Çt give him the satisfaction of answering back. We walked to the train station, and then to school, in silence. We split up when we entered the building, and he went off to talk to his friends while I went to my own class. The day started pretty normally. It was a Friday, so everyone was really happy that the weekend was coming up.

For my male audience, and my lucky female audience that have never had cramps, let me describe them to you. It¡Çs a very unique feeling, somewhat like having your stomach try to squeeze out through your bellybutton of it¡Çs own accord. The closest I can describe it, though, is being completely hung over, and having someone kick you in the nuts repeatedly and without warning. Some girls don¡Çt really get bad cramps. I, on the other hand, feel like I am giving birth to the anti-Christ.

My cramps hit me in the middle of my third class, and I am doubled over in pain. Even heavy breathing doesn¡Çt help, and I end up just waiting for the misery to be over. By the end of the class, the intense seizuring of my womb had ended, but it still ached like a bitch. The lunch bell rang, and as I sat down with Mai, Sukiko, and Nana, I saw that I had the wrong bento. See, Fujiomi doesn¡Çt like tempura ANYTHING, and I knew that Sukiko¡Çs mom had made us bento boxes with the leftover tempura shrimp from the night before. So when I saw a plain hamburger steak over rice, I knew what had happened. I excused myself, and went to go find Fujiomi. The halls were all crowded, so bumping into people made my stomach hurt again.

I finally found his classroom. He was standing at the front of the room, and a teacher was talking to him while the rest of the class ate lunch. Fujiomi had my bento in his hand, so I knew that he must have seen the mistake, too. I walked up to them slowly, and when the teacher saw me, he looked back at Fujiomi and said, ¡ÈDon¡Çt let it happen again.¡É Before walking out. Fujiomi looked kind of pissed when he turned around to find me there, so I hurried up and held out his bento for him.

Fujiomi: Yeah, I knew I must have grabbed yours.

Me: Did you get in trouble with the teacher for having the wrong one?

Fujiomi: Stupid. It was something else. None of your business. Just take your lunch and go eat.

I took a few steps closer to take my lunch, but I paused and asked:

Me: If it wasn¡Çt the lunches, then what was it?

My stomach began acting up again, and I tried not to wince. I wanted to get back to my own classroom and sit down so I wouldn¡Çt feel so bad, but I really wanted to know if I could help Fujiomi. I mean, he did comfort me before. Maybe I could help him in some way, too.

Fujiomi: None of your business.

A cramp made my insides clench sharply in pain, and I couldn¡Çt stop myself from clenching my teeth and putting a hand lightly on my stomach. I frowned, but didn¡Çt want to give up yet.

Me: Tell me.

Fujiomi looked at me and glared.

Fujiomi: What are you giving me that look for? Are you trying to start a fight or something? Just take your lunch and get OUT of here!

He was mad, and he swung the lunch box at me holding onto the handkerchief it was wrapped in. He must have misjudged the distance between us because the corner of that bento box hit me square in the stomach.

You wanna talk about pain? Mike Tyson hasn¡Çt got jack on me as far as THAT hit to the stomach. A whole rush of cramps was triggered, and I literally fell to my knees clutching my stomach. Let me tell you, THAT got the students¡Ç attention.

¡ÈHey, what happened to her?¡É

¡ÈIs she sick?¡É

¡ÈFujiomi, did you hit her?!¡É

I heard Fujiomi say something like, ¡ÈI didn¡Çt hit her THAT hard! Hey- Pandora, get up! Come on, stand up already! It didn¡Çt hurt that bad!¡É

DIDN¡ÇT HURT?!

I managed to stand up, still holding onto my stomach like I was afraid it was going to fall off, and I glared at him so fiercely that the room grew quiet.

Fujiomi looked like he shit a brick. I was trying to think of something I could say, something I could do to him that would make him understand JUST HOW PISSED I really was. Nothing came to mind, so I just stood up as straight as I could and walked away, past my own classroom, and into the girl¡Çs bathroom. The bento box didn¡Çt give me a bruise, but it did leave a red mark for the rest of the afternoon.

I got through my classes, and went ahead home and skipped my cleanup duty. I took a nice hot bath as soon as I got home and it really helped relax my muscles. Fujiomi didn¡Çt come home that night. He spent the night at a friend¡Çs house that night, and on Saturday night, too.

Was he avoiding me again?? Damn bastard.

He came back home on Sunday, but that¡Çs when I went out with Sukiko and the others to do karaoke, so I didn¡Çt see him all day. I talked with Sukiko about what happened, and she said she would talk to him for me and find out what was going on. Well, Sunday night she went with him to the corner store to pick up some things, but she came back alone. After she put the bags in the kitchen, she motioned for me to follow her down the hall. I went with her to her room, and she shut the door.

Sukiko: I talked to Fujiomi for you.

Me: Oh?

Sukiko: Yeah. Your being here has really affected him. Much more than I thought it would, anyway.

Me: So¡Ähe hates me.

Sukiko: No! No! Nothing like that. He is just protecting himself.

Me: What?

Sukiko: He felt really bad for hitting you with the bento box. When I explained that you were ill, he felt really guilty and was truly sorry. He did not know your stomach hurt.

Me: I just wanted to know why he had gotten in trouble. I didn¡Çt know he would be so mad.

Sukiko: Oh- that. He got in trouble with the teacher advisor for student council. Apparently there was a meeting this morning he was supposed to go to, but he skipped it. The advisor told him that he was not setting a good example for the students and not to let it happen again.

Me: A meeting? But he never forgets to go to student council meetings.

Sukiko: Exactly. He chose to stay here instead and miss the meeting.

Me: But why? He was dressed early enough to make it. Why did he just wait around?

Sukiko: He said that staying home and eating with you, and getting to walk you to school was more important. He said that he had not made enough effort to try to get to know you, so he missed his meeting to spend some more time with you.

Me:¡Ä¡ÄYou¡Çre joking, right?

Sukiko: No, I am not joking, and neither was he. I think that he sees now that his actions before were childish, and he wants to do the right thing. He just does not know how. And he does not want to admit to you, or to me, or to anyone that he does not know how.

Typical guy, I thought.

Me: Where is he now? He didn¡Çt come home with you.

Sukiko: He is in the park a few blocks away; He goes there sometimes alone to think. You should go to him now. Talk to him. He is much more relaxed, and I am sure he will be more responsive if you two are alone.

I hesitated, but finally agreed. This was my opportunity to get a few things out into the open, and maybe even if he and I couldn¡Çt be friends, we could at least agree to live peacefully together.

((Side Note: GOD this post is long! I just noticed it, but JESUS! This is way too much¡Ä))

I will be sure to update on Wednesday to tell you all what happened in the park, and about my time doing karaoke.

One day I’m on a train, going to work. It’s peak hour in Tokyo, and it’s very busy. I was lucky and managed to get a seat. I have a book in front of me that I’m reading, but it’s hard to concentrate since people are continuously shifting around me. The doors on the train close, and people stop moving. The announcer makes an nasally announcement, the train jerks, and we’re underway. I look up, and set an unfortunate series of events in motion.

A Japanese salaryman in his late twenties is standing directly in front of my seat. He is wearing a boring, grey suit, the same colour as everyone else on the train. He stares off into space, his lazy, drooping eyes expressionless and still. All in all, a very normal guy. However, something catches my eye. I look down to his midsection, and his fly is open. Actually, to merely say ‘his fly was open’, would be doing this man’s fly a disservice. His pants were gaping open, fully exposing his checkered boxers, and the lower tail of his shirt. His pants were open to the world, a violent explosion of checkered boxes right in my face.

I looked away, and considered my options. Should I tell him? Maybe he’d be angry and embarrassed. It’s generally a bad idea to make someone lose face, especially in Japan. It can have unpredictable results. Hmm. If my fly was open, would he tell me? I thought back to the couple of times where I had walked around for half a day "open for business", and no-one cared to save me some embarrassment. I looked left and right to my fellow commuters. Their faces were inscrutable - it was impossible to tell if they noticed. Even if they did notice, I doubted they would say anything. I considered my own culture. If this was in Australia, I think someone would tap me on the shoulder, and whisper a quick "Oi, you’re at half mast, mate". I decided to be true to my Australianess, and tell him.

Now, how should I breach the subject? If I loudly say "YOUR PANTS ARE OPEN", he would undoubtedly be embarrassed and/or upset. I decided on a more subtle approach. I would try to get his attention, and gesture with my eyes towards his groin. This would make the most sense, and allow him to quickly correct his ‘issue’, with minimal embarrassment.

I open my eyes wide, and swing my head back and forth to try to catch his eye. His empty expression remains unchanged. I frown. I open my eyes wider still, and look him directly in the eye. His face remains expressionless… except I think I just saw a brief wave of irritation pass over his features. Undeterred, I stare him right in the eyes, and shake my head left to right, like a cobra with developmental problems.

He stares straight ahead.

I pause. This isn’t working - I need a new strategy. I cough, and raise my eyebrows simultaneously. Nothing. I cough, stare at him, raise my eyebrows, and move my head left and right.

His eyebrows furrow in frustration. He turns and looks around. I suddenly realise he is looking for a new place to stand. He’s trying to escape from the crazy coughing gyrating gaijin who is trying to catch his eye. Ungrateful bastard, I thought indignantly. The train was packed, there was no other place for him to stand. Ha.

He turns his head, doing his best to avoid my stare. I consider giving up, but then I imagine him walking into a crowded meeting with his boss and all of his colleagues. I imagine them all laughing at him, and attaching a terrible nickname to him that will last the rest of his lifetime employment. I must get his attention.

My previous efforts failed. It’s time to step up to the next level. I unhook my hand from my side, and slowly move it to the direction he is looking in. As discreetly as possible, I slowly wave my hand. His face tinges red, and an expression akin to that of a trapped man washes over his face. I continue waving. Finally, he turns to me.

"What the hell is it?" He snarls. His shirt protrudes an inch further from his fly as he rotates to face me. He looks at me like I just slapped him across the face.

People within earshot on the train look at me. They look at him, and immediately notice his fly. They look back at me. A moment of silence. What will I do?

I open my mouth, and say……. "Oh, nothing," with a friendly smile.

"Idiot gaijin." He growls under his breath. I continue smiling.

The train pulls into the next station, and the doors open. He pushes his way off the train, and heads off to work. Perhaps to a client meeting, or an internal conference.

I take a small guilty pleasure in the probable embarrassment he is about to endure. I wonder if later on, when he flushes red and spins 180 degrees, and yanks up his fly, in front of a full conference room, will he will remember my efforts to get his attention on the train? And it was all because he didn’t offer the most basic of courtesies to a gaijin on the train.

It was a Thursday. Bill and I were working at the office of a clothing shop in Shibuya. I was configuring an antivirus server that would automatically deploy antivirus clients to all of the computers on the network.

"Hows it going?" Bill asked, peering over my shoulder.

"Yeah, it’s fine. I’m almost done. How are you going?" I asked.

"Well," Bill’s face scrunched up. "Bit of a problem really, but I think I’ve got it." Bill said.

"Ok. Well it’s almost 5:30. I need to leave soon to make my train to my Martial Arts class. If you don’t mind, I’ll leave as soon as I’m finished." I said.

Bill grunted.

My shift really went until 6pm, but I had an agreement with Bill and Shane that I would leave early twice a week at 5:30pm. In return, I would work to 6:30pm or 7pm twice a week. I needed to board the 6:20 train from Shinjuku to make the class.

I was excited about the class tonight. Thursday was my absolute favourite night of the week. Togara-sensei was leading the class, there was a small and devoted number of students, and we got plenty of personal attention. The dojo was amazing. When you walk in, you can feel the authentic martial arts emanating from every corner of the room. The air in the dojo was crisp, but tinged with the scent of body odour, pain and proper form. On the floor, laid springed tatami mats, so we could bounce and throw each other around like rag dolls and only be slightly worse for wear. This was very fun for students, but life preserving for the poor bastard who Togara-sensei was using as his personal bitch for that particular night. Togara-sensei was strict and didn’t fuck around, as countless bruises, strains, sprains and aches can attest.

The clock struck 5:28, as I finished the final settings for the antivirus package. I walked over to a machine, and turned it on. A smile spread across my face as the software downloaded itself, executed, and automatically installed itself. I did a couple of tests, and confirmed it was working fine. I went back and instructed the server to install on all the machines.

"I’m done. The next time everyone logs in, they’re going to have the new version of AV. I’ll come back tomorrow morning to check the installs and make sure it doesn’t cause any problems."

"Oh… um, you’re leaving already?" Bill asked, concerned.

"Right. Tonight is Thursday, I have my class. It’s already 5:32, so I have to run. Do you need me to do anything else?" I asked, zipping up my bag containing my PC.

"Anything else? Um… well I’m still having this problem here…" Bill gestured to the server screen.

"Alright. Can I quickly help you somehow?" I asked.

"I’m not sure. Do you know whats wrong?" Bill asked, angling the screen towards me.

I peered in for a look. "Hmmm.." I said, "I don’t know, I’d need to sit down and spend some more time on it. If it doesn’t work, how about a re-install?" I advised. I checked my watch. "Look mate, I’m sorry but I really have to run. If you really need help, give me a call."

Bill hesitated, and glanced at the server. "Alright…" He said, haltingly.

I grabbed my bag and took off at a jog. I felt free and happy. I finished my work, it worked perfectly, and I was going to my favourite class. I bounded through the office, and rode the elevator down to the ground floor. I remembered a martial arts technique I was having problems with last week, and I was sure I could nail it tonight. If not, Togara-sensei can show me exactly what to do. I cut through the crowd of faceless salarymen, and headed down into the train station. It was a long train ride to the dojo, but it was worth every minute. Since I was riding around peak-time, I had to stand. I didn’t care - I enjoyed Thursday night so much, I would have walked there. I can’t get a big stupid grin off my face.

The train is crowded. My phone rings. Angry glances from surrounding passengers. It’s Bill.

"Hello Bill, hows the server?" I ask.

"Not so good. It’s still not working." Bill said.

"Oh…. OK. Well, I’m already on the train for my class. Sorry about that." I said. People continued to look at me with angry faces, upset I was talking on the phone on the crowded train.

Bill paused for a moment.

"Can you come back?" Bill asked.

My breath stuck in my throat.

"What? Come back?" I exclaimed.

"I want to get this working tonight. Maybe you can fix it." Bill said.

It was my turn to look angry and upset. "I really want to go to this class… I promised someone I would be their training partner. Is this really important? Can I look at it tomorrow? If I come back, I will definitely miss my class."

"Can you come back?" Bill repeated.

A wave of anger boils up. I grit my teeth. After a long pause, I said : "Ok. Fine. I’m coming back."

Before Bill could reply, I hung up the phone in disgust. The doors slid open, and I trudged to the other side of the tracks. I caught the train back. I stormed out of the station. I re-entered the office, and went back into the server room. Bill was still looking at the server. He stood when he saw me come in.

"Let me have a look then." I said, failing to conceal my feelings of frustration.

I sat down and looked at the server. I clicked through a number of screens, and came to rest on the main settings screen.

I examined the settings. Then I experienced a mix of rage and disappointment.

"You set the IP wrong." I said.

"What?" Bill looked at the screen.

"The IP is just set wrong. Thats it. You left it on default."

"Oh." Bill said slowly.

I clicked Execute, and of course, it worked perfectly.

An air of awkward silence hang between us. I missed my class. All because Bill didn’t check the most basic, obvious setting. He called me back for nothing.

"Gee… I made you miss your class. I’m sorry," Bill lamely offered.

"Don’t worry about it." I grabbed my stuff. I looked at my watch. 6:13pm. My train from Shinjuku leaves in a few minutes. I trudged out of the office in decidedly less higher spirits. Depressed, upset, angry and dejected, I slowly walked back to the station to head back home.

Very, very annoying. Even infuriating. But I’m a pretty forgiving person, so I forgave him. The next incident however, was twice as bad and impossible to forgive.

Hey Amanojack

Can i just first say that you are GOD!

As others have pointed out, there are people who understand how to get girls naturally, and I am not one of them. I am a generally shy, not especially socially-adept guy. But I studied, practiced, and finally succeeded through pure determination and trial and error. My success is definitely better than average, but it still pales in comparison to what a "natural" can do. The point of me writing this blog is to show guys who aren’t naturals how to enjoy good success in spite of that. For example, a natural wouldn’t be able to give you tips on overcoming approach anxiety, because he’s never had any. So be thankful I’m not a pickup god - I’m just a guy who finally figured it out.

Your blog identifies almost everything i have been through in Japanwith girls. I especially liked the part about girls not replying to youafter your first meet up. That is sooo true … This has bugged me alot because it seemed that whenever i met a girl - only a few wouldactually follow up and i didn’t know where i was going wrong. Forexample - in Gaspanic - i met a real cutie - Tomoko - she was gorgeouseven other gaijins were telling me - you are onto a winner there andthen she flirted with me like hell, gave me her number but when i triedto follow up i had no response. I texted her the same day i met her toask when we could meet up again ! Was that too impatient on my part ?

I’d say texting on the same day is a little fast. I would usually do it the next evening if it was from a club. If in Roppongi, there’s a strong chance she wanted you to take her home right straight away. If she was horny and hot as you say, she could easily get another guy to take her home after you parted, which would explain the lack of response.

This happend with quite a few girls that i met or girls that i hadntmet and just exhanged e-mails. I started to doubt myself and my ownappearance and presentability, but i just couldnt understand what thereason was (because i have had plenty of j gf already) .. why didntthey reply? its so frustrating! Here you are on your way home thinkingthat you met the most amazing girl tonight and had a wonderful time butthen their is no follow up. Its like you have just met a Ghost whodoesn’t really exist in this world!

I was full of contradictions and i figured that i must be missingout on something (maybe in the japanese way of dating) etc. Howeverupon reflection I do remember getting girls quite easily when i wasvery carefree and confident and i think u have a very good point there.

I met another girl from the internet the other day. I was nice toher etc but still no reply of my e-mail. I couldnt care less if i nevermet her again because she was butters but i just want to know theanswer to this puzzle. Cant they just tell me what put them off ? Idont want to get depressed about these things. Girls tend to like mewhen i am carefree and not overwhelming.. well thats my analogy so farand i hope you can give me some advice.

I recently received an e-mail from a jgirl 2 days ago who i met thruan ad for friends site and i replied with this and since then noresponse either … what am i doing wrong ?

"Thank you for your e-mail. Wow - i only posted my ad today and you were the first to reply. Thanks

Oh by the way - Happy Birthday … My birthday was on 8th Feb so we are both Aquarius. Do you like daydreaming ? I do .. haha

Sure lets become friends. I am living in Tokyo now, how about you ?

I added you to my msn list and we can talk when you are online."

Even then no reply — i did send the email twice by accident .. does that show impatience too ?

Ken,

Thanks, I’m glad you found the blog helpful.

It’s frustrating when you change something and your success takes a dive, and you just don’t know why. I’ve been there several times. In one case, the girls were not responding because I was not showing enough energy to make them feel that I would be excited to see them, either in person or in the email.

But that’s just another way of saying that my confidence had dipped without me realizing it. My lack of confidence lowered my energy, and then the downturn in results lowered it further. The key is to regain that confidence, which is exactly what I did. Then the problem went away entirely.

The way out of this hole is as follows:

1) Focus on really sexually pleasing the girls you already have. Although you may not need to sex them excellently to keep them, do it anyway. This will give you the extra confidence in knowing that any girl who chooses to go with you will NOT be sorry.

2) Get busier in your work or whatever you do, so that you have a little extra self-esteem and a few more things going on in your life. This gives you confidence and carefree-ness (when you aren’t working).

3) Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there when you’re with a girl. In Roppongi inj particular, give it everything you’ve got to go for the same-day-lay, because many girls will think you must not have wanted them that badly otherwise (but they will never indicate this to you, they will put up all kinds of objections instead).

Now to email: The mail above has several glaring problems that either make it difficult for her to respond or reflect poorly on you.

1) More than one thing to respond to (always bad!):

a. She sort of has to respond to your thanking her for being the first one to reply. (This in itself is slack and forces her to write social formality stuff like, "You’re welcome" or to try to justify why she wrote you so quickly.)

b. She has to respond to your wishing her Happy Birthday (more social formality flack)

c. "Do you like daydreaming?"

d. "Where do you live?"

2) She has nowhere to go once she answers c. and/or d. — she can’t say, "I live in Omiya, how about you?" She can only say, "I live in Omiya" and then the obvious ping-pong of conversation ends there because you already told her where you live!

3) Too long overall, unless her mail was significantly longer than that. In fact, maybe it just feels long because of all the different content.

4) Yes, sending the same email twice gives a pretty bad impression - sometimes it just happens, but definitely be careful not to.

Do you see how difficult it would be for someone to reply to this? Not only difficult, but also not particularly fun because it basically requires her to write a bunch of facts and social formalities.

The daydreaming question could be going somewhere. You’d have to make that the only question, or better yet just tell a very short story about something you were daydreaming.

A little more excitement and energy also couldn’t hurt (assuming you keep the length short it won’t be overwhelming).

Some people may be wondering, "If you keep the mails so short and only ask one Q per mail, won’t it take a long time to get intimate enough for a meet?" The answer is generally "NO." The number of mails before a meet from the Internet is usually around 3-6, whether the mails are very short or very long. The shorter they are, the more mystery there is, which has big advantages in itself.

The only things you really have to know in the first 2-3 mails are where she lives and what she looks like. And once you’ve agreed to meet, switch it over to celphone mail.

Hope that helped.

To continue where I left off, I had just been virtually molded into place onto the Shibuya train back to my own prefecture along with Mai, Nana, and Sukiko on our way home from a day in Harajuku. I was struggling just to breathe for the few moments before the train took off, but after we had been running for a few minutes, I managed to stand up straight and get some air to my lungs. There were so many people on that train, I can’t even try to describe it to you. I was about to try to climb on the luggage rack above me just to have some more breathing room.

It was at this point that I noticed the not-so-subtle stares of the people directly around me- especially that of a really creepy salary man. Instantly, I remembered what I had read about chikan on trains, and I looked back at the others. Mai, Nana, and Sukiko were all chatting happily; shit, they haven’t noticed. I tried glaring back at the weird salaryman, but he just smiled and took his time looking me up and down, even craning his neck to get a better view.

UGH! MOTHER OF-!! If THAT doesn’t send your spine crawling, I don’t know what will. I WANTED to turn away, to block his view, but I was scared to turn my back on him lest he see that as an invitation to get "grabby". I compromised by shifting to the side, and inching closer to the other three, while still keeping him in my peripheral vision.

I’m watching you, you chikan pervert…

Actually, he ended up getting off the train before us, but I was glad to be prepared, and I began seraching out any other chikan possibilities. A new crowd of people smushed onto the train, replacing the people who had just gotten off while mercifully leaving some extra space. We would be arriving home soon. Sukiko, who noticed my silence, asked if anything was wrong.

Me: Oh, no, not at all. I was just looking around the train car. There was a man earlier who kept staring at me.

Nana: Ohh! Did he try to touch you??

Me: NO! Nothing like that! I looked back at him, and he kept looking at me, but he did not try anything.

Mai: Was it an old guy?

Me: Yeah- a salaryman.

Nana: Those are the worst. As a Goth Loli, I get stared at a lot, too, in the train cars, but if a salaryman starts staring at you, he might be a pervert. You have to be careful.

Mai: Those aren’t the worst.

Me, Sukiko, Nana: Huh?

Nana: You don’t think a chikan is the worst?? Have you ever been touched by one? They try to get me all the time in my Goth Loli skirts.

Sukiko: You and I were stared at when we were in our school uniforms two weeks ago, don’t you remember, Mai?

Mai: Yes, yes, I rememeber. But a chikan is still not the worst. A chijyo is.

Nana: EWWWWWWW!

Sukiko: *Laugh* What- were you grabbed by a chijyo, Mai?

Just as I feared I would have to suffer through a "An-older-woman-grabbed-me-in-my-special-place-in-the-train-car" story, Mai shook her head and said that she hadn’t been touched by one herself, but she saw one once. She said it had been two years ago, in her first year of high school. She had been on the train going home from school one day, and she was lucky enough to get a seat, so she pulled out a book and began to read while listening to her MD player. She was on the train for a while, and it got more and more crowded, when something above the rim of her book caught her eye. In front of her was a older guy, she said maybe in his mid- to late-twenties, and he was holding on to the bar above to keep steady. The thing Mai had seen move was a woman’s arm, reaching around the guy to stroke his package. "This woman was older than my mom," Mai said, making us all cringe. Mai said she looked back down to her book immediately, but that she looked up every once in a while in a mix of amazement and horror.

Now that I think about it, she never told us how that ended, because Sukiko added in, "Well, I’ve thought about doing that sometimes, too."

If I could have choked on my tongue at that very moment, I would have. But it didn’t end there, oh no. Mai confessed to having chijyo-esque thought herself, and Nana recalled how she once pressed her but against the butt of a guy she liked, and copped a feel in the guise of striaghtening her skirt, and she wondered if he ever knew it was her. They then rounded on me, wanting to hear my American chijyo adventures. I told them in all honesty that while there were some instances of fondling and groping in the subway cars of America, it was nowhere NEAR the problem level that it is in Japan. Also, I told them, there is no subway or train system where I’m from. We have streetcars, sure, but they never get that full. Plus, in New Orleans, everyone is always watching everyone else, so even if a woman DIDN’T instantly rip the guy’s hand off and beat him to death with it while screaming bloody murder, somebody else would in her defense.

However, they didn’t let the subject rest. What followed, I may never live down.

Nana: Well, now that you’re in Japan, haven’t you ever seen a cute guy you wouldn’t mind bumping into "accidentally" on the train.

Me: Uhhh…

Mai: That’s right. There had to be at least ONE you’ve seen that made you wish you could touch him.

Me: But- Not like THAT!

Mai: Of course, of course, but maybe- *evil grin* just a small brush on the hand, or your shoulder against his couldn’t hurt.

Nana: A small feel couldn’t hurt anyone. Plus- you’re a gaijin. So all you say if he turns around is "Oh- I’m so sorry!" in English, and smile at him. He will smile back, and probably say that you can touch him as much as you want.

Me: *feeling that I’m quickly losing this battle* But…But I don’t..want..to…

Sukiko: *to the rescue* Mai, Nana- leave Pandora-san alone. She’s always gone to school with other girls. She is not used to being around boys.

Me: THANK YOU, GOD!!

Mai: Well, she should learn.

Nana: That’s right. She’s going to be living here for another three months.

Mai: Before she leaves, we should make sure she is not scared of men anymore.

Me: Oh, God- WHY HAST THOU FORSAKEN ME?? I’m not scared of men, per se-

Mai: Then touch one.

Nana: That’s right. Be a gaijin chijyo- just for today. Then you will prove to us you’re not scared of men.

Me: *looks over at Sukiko hopefully*

Sukiko: *Shakes her head* Just a little touch, Pandora-san.

Dammit. The majority wins again.

Me: *Sigh* Fine- but I’m ONLY touching him a LITTLE BIT.

Nana: But we have to SEE you do it.

Mai: Let’s pick a guy on this train car, then. We’ll be home in about four minutes, so if you hurry, you can get him and then be off the train before he even knows what happened.

Nana: Ohh! Ohh! I want to help pick him!

They started pointing out the most DISGUSTING GUYS on the train car, all of whom I rejected, hoping to kill enough time so we would be at our station before they found a good specimen. But y’all know I’m not that lucky. Nana pointed out a group of guys near the left hand doorway, standing in a small crowd of about five and chatting quietly. They looked about our age, maybe older or younger but not by much- it was a bit too far to tell. The thing was, where we were positioned, we could easily watch them from afar without being too obvious- or at least, THEY could. I was supposed to go over there and feel one of them up. Out of ammunition, I took my sweet time working my way over to them, acting as if I was trying to get by the doors for when my stop came up. I was really self-concious abuot my hair, and felt for sure that if they saw a head of blonde hair inching toward them, they would be sure to take notice. I ducked my head down and squeezed over until I was finally in their vicinity. I looked over my right shoulder- the three of them were all watching, and Nana flashed me the victory sign. Great. Thanks for that.

There was one problem. Blocking my way to the nearest guy was a pair of people- a salaryman and a housewife to be exact. They were standing back to back, which meant I would have to bump them out of the way, or go around and target another guy. Hmmm- risk brushing against two OTHER strange asses on my way to a third, or risk being seen by a pack of strange boys I didn’t know anyway. I chose the lesser of two evils, and "Sumimasen"-ed my way around. I targeted the guy on Guy 1’s left, still keeping my head down. The train car was still full, I told myself, so if worst came to worst, I could always chicken out and make it look like an accident. I looked around Guy 2’s shoulder to see if the Mai, Sukiko, and Nana were still watching. They were; Nana had even moved over a bit so she could get a better view.

Okay.

Here goes.

I turned to the side, and slowly reached my hand out towards Guy 2’s right ass cheek, with NO IDEA about what I’m supposed to be doing. Do I give it a hearty squeeze? Pet it like a kitty? Kancho him?! I shifted more to the side, hiding behind the shoulder of the salary man to block my face while turning towards Guy 2 so that I didn’t have to reach out my arm so far. I inched closer, just about to brush the back pocket of his jeans.

Suddenly, a large hand clamped around my wrist and jerked me forward, bashing the side of my face into the salaryman’s shoulder while a loud voice said, "Oy! What the hell do you think you’re doing?!"

I look up- and my first glance isn’t Guy 1, who grabbed my wrist, nor was it to Guy 2, who turned around to see what was going on behind him. I looked at the guy right in front of me- Fujiomi.

"Oh, shit." I remember saying in English right at that moment, when my eyes met his. I don’t know who was more shocked, me or him. But it quickly went downhill from there.

Guy 1: Hey, thief! Answer me!

Me: OW! *in English* Let go of my wrist, dammit!

Guy 2: Thief?

Fujiomi: Thief?!

Me: What? Theif?! I’m not a thief!! LET GO!

Guy 1: *looks at my hand, then back at Guy 2* Hey, [Guy 2], pull out your wallet.

Guy 2: *pulls out his wallet with out of his left back pocket* Why?

Guy 1: *looks at my hand again and smiles, letting me go* You’re no thief. You’re just a chijyo. Hey- [Guy 2] you were about to be chijyo material

Guy 2: *looks at me and smiles* Awww, man! Why’d you have to go and save me like that, then?

Me: I am NOT a chijyo!

Guy 1: Ohhh? Then what were you doing reaching out for my friend’s butt, huh?

Me: I was….uhh…Um…

At that point, I made the fatal mistake of glancing over at Fujiomi. He was BEYOND pissed. I’m suprised his retinas didn’t burn from the heat of the glare he was giving me.

Then, Sukiko came over, with Mai and Nana not too far behind, and said hello to the boys like nothing was wrong. She took my elbow, and said that she was glad they found me for her- she was worried she had lost me in the crowded train car. Then she turned to me and said, "It was smart of you to try to get Fujiomi’s attention, Pandora-san. You were lucky he was nearby when you were lost."

Guy 1 (who I later found out is on the Student council with Fujiomi, though Guy 2 goes to a different school) looked at Sukiko and gave me a weird grin and said something like, "She was lucky, though she almost got the wrong guy’s ‘attention’"

The next stop was ours, and we all got off. Only one other boy got off with Fujiomi, and it was someone other than Guys 1&2. It was totally silent as we walked out the train station, and Fujiomi turned to right when we exited, while the four of us girls turned to the left. Mai, Sukiko, and Nana all laughed about what happened, and asked me to tell them in detail about it. I did, with a lot of translation help from Sukiko, and they laughed harder. They said it would have been funnier if I had grabbed Fujiomi’s butt, then I would be the envy of the whole third year class. I thought it was much more likely that Fujiomi would instantly rip my head off and spit down my throat, but didn’t say so.

All of that was on Sunday. Fujiomi didn’t come back in time for dinner that night, and he’s been avoiding me for the past few days. I don’t know whick is worse- being snapped at every few feet, or being shunned entirely. I don’t think anyone in the house feels it, but I feel a really uneasy atmosphere whenever I’m around him, like a war is brewing or something.

*SIGH*

In other news, I’m going to be updating on a more semi-regular schedule, probably on Tuesdays and Fridays (American time. It would be Wednesdays and Saturdays over here) so please look forward to it. Any kind of questions about my experiences here in Japan or about the culture are always welcomed, and thanks again for the regular comments!

Sukiko, Mai, and Nana took me around Harajuku on Sunday. For those of you not in the know, Harajuku is THE fashion district in Tokyo. It’s mostly a place to see and be seen, to show off new or or fashonable clothes and to buy even more. The three of them were sort of amused at how excited I was to go there. And I didn’t know this before then- but Nana is a Gothic Lolita. When Sukiko and I met them at the station, I was thinking, "Who’s that Little Bo Peep next to Mai??". She was all in white and pink, wearing more lace than Liberace and her face painted whiter than a sheet. I had done my research on Goth Loli fashion before, and seen a more subdued version of it around New Orleans and the underground goth scene there. But this was a new level of extravagance. Mai and Sukiko didn’t blink an eye, either, we just kept going to Harajuku. I saw a few other GothLoli girls on the train, and silently meditated the similarities and differences in their appearance, as well as trying to figure out how much each one had spent in time and money looking the way they did. As we got closer and closer to Harajuku, I was beginning to feel more and more out of place. I had tried my best to look somewhat "fashionable", without trying to be something I wasn’t. It was difficult, considering that my hair color has now faded to a bright goldenrod, and all the clothes I have look best with auburn red hair. This might not be a big deal to most of you, but my other girls know what I’m talking about. I managed to piece together some designer jeans with a yellow scoop-neck top and a green sash belt. However, the top fit a bit tighter than I rememeberd it to, so I threw on a jacket and just covered that "area" up. When we left the house, I was wearing some of the most "fashionable" street clothes I own. When we stepped out of Harajuku station, I felt like a bag lady.

First thing I wasn’t prepared for: colors. A huge kaleidoscopic mass of bright, blinding colors. Just entering Takeshitadorii, I could see that my clothes were nowhere near the style and detail of the locals. Just as I was beginning to doubt myself, however, the four of us began walking, and we hit a bright patch of sunlight. All of a sudden, the people we passed slowed down to look at me, and a few whispered to their friends and pointed. Oh, shit. My stomach dropped- but then I saw my reflection in a storefront window, and I seriously had to slow down and take my sunglasses off.

BLONDE??? I was a BLONDE NOW?!

To be fair, it’s more of a strawberry/goldenrod shade, but in that sunlight my hair gleamed GOLD.

My self-esteem thoroughly perked, I caught up with Sukiko and the others and began my shopping spree. First, though, I wanted to see more of the people around me. GOD it was crowded. Everywhere I went I was stepping on a skirt or bumping into a shoulder or knocking over a display. (If you heard a loud, LOUD clatter along the Takeshitadorii about a block away from Harajuku bridge, that was me, running into and knocking over three full hat racks.)

I made my escape from the Evil Hat Rack Ojiichan, and we finally came to the Harajuku Bridge in Yoyogi Park. Nana was thrilled, and immediately saw a half-dozen of her closest GothLoli friends. We agreed to meet up with her later, and Mai, Sukiko, and I set off on our own around the area. After that, I got to play, "Boy or Girl?" for about an hour. SO MANY TIMES, I was wrong. I would look at someone, and immediately say, "Wow, she looks good in a skirt," or "That guy shouldn’t wear pinstripes." only to see later that my gender guess was incorrect. For ONE person, I even took a photo, and I’m STILL not sure one way or the other about whether it’s a boy or girl. But the game is fun- and addictive. So if I ever get a random Sunday afternoon to myself, I’m going to go back to Harajuku and just people watch.

Mai and Sukiko helped me pick out the good stores to shop at, and go through the racks with me. There were so many funky shirts and pants, it really just made me want to laugh. Oh! and while we were walking around, I saw several Engrish shirts. Two of the most memorable were "HOUND me POUND me ALL night LONG" and "Reigning in the crazy bitch". I ended up buying five (non-Engrish) shirts, two skirts, a pair of pants and a cute sundress. EVERYWHERE we went, I got stared at- especially in the sun. At this rate, I’ll be Gwen Stefani blonde by next week. I’m thinking about dying back to my natural color, but as it is, I’m enjoying standing out. At school, I always fly under the radar, doing just enough to break the rules, but not enough to get caught. Here (even though the bout with the discipline committee was more than enough of an encounter with the Japanese rules system), it feels good to have a semi-free pass to be different and break some of the cultural rules once in a while.

Also- I was suprised and slightly ecstatic to see a few other foreigners in Harajuku. There were two separate instances, one at Harajuku Station, and the other shortly after the Hat Rack Incident. Both times, I spotted them before they saw me, they felt my gaze, looked over, and we both kinda half smile/waved in that "Ha-ha-look-you’re-in-Japan,-too.-Isn’t-it-weird-here?-Let’s-both-go-enjoy-our-trip-through-Japanese-culture-now,-okay,-bye." sort of way.

We ate lunch in a McDonald’s there- AWESOME experience. I was SO looking forward to that after Az posted his Mega Mac story, and his experience at Japanese McDonald’s. I was feeling uber-victorious about my first trip to Harajuku, and I really got to know Mai better. Turns out she’s a whiz at ikebana (flower arrangement) and tea ceremony. She said that she’d show me how sometime, so I’m really looking forward to it. After lunch, we walked on to Shibuya, which I was suprised to find out that it’s not that long of a walk if you follow the train tracks. Sukiko whipped out her cell phone and called Nana, and we met her about ten minutes later at the Hachiko statue in Shibuya. I was hoping to tour Shibuya a bit, too, and I was kind of sad I didn’t get to see the shrine next to Harajuku station, but Sukiko said I was welcome to go back any time I wanted to, so I guess I can wait to see that. Plus, we had already walked around all day, and we were all tired.

We got on our train at Shibuya station- and that’s when my day went quickly downhill.

It was a Sunday afternoon at Shibuya Station. Of course, the place was packed FULL. Sukiko, Mai, and Nana just went along with the stream of people, but they’re used to it. I’m still not, and I had some difficulty. I was pressed into the car just barely by one of those white-glove guys. If I had known then what was about to happen, I would have elbowed through the glass window of the train door and pulled myself out of there.

To be continued….

Where is tea grown?

Where are eels raised?

What is hiragana developed for?

Hiragana is developed for to increase literacy.

What is shoutyu made from?

It is made from distilled vegetable or grain alcohol.

Starbucks is one of my favorite places for casual and relaxing pickup, and it’s hard to go too far wrong. Here are the reasons:

• The girls who go to Starbucks probably don’t smoke.
• They don’t mind paying a few bucks for a coffee. This means they’reeither fairly well off (no gold-diggers, thanks), or at least’semi-cultured’
• The chicks are of generally higher calibre.
• They are waiting to be approached, with time on their hands.
• Many girls come to Starbucks to study English. Just. Too. Easy.

Iwant to give some practical guidance on how to talk to chicks inStarbucks. I’ve gotten some great successes in Starbucks. At the veryleast I get some numbers and great friends and conversation. I want toshare this with all of you guys. However if you use these techniquesand you see me in Starbucks, I get first dibs. Or at the very least,come and wing me.

Firstly, get your logistics down. Just thesame as nightgame. Stake out a good seat. I recommend sitting smackbang in the middle of a crowded Starbucks. Bring a book, or a laptop.Drink your coffee. As Homer Simpson might say, "Now we play the waitinggame".

I will stop to talk about the differences of mindsetshere. There is active game, which much of this blog focuses on - whereyou walk over, approach, make a comment, start the set, etc. Of course,I’ve done this in Starbucks before. I’ve walked over and been sobrazen, that in a story that is now embarrassingly infamous in theTokyo pickup scene, I was cockblocked by a Starbucks staff member in 3seconds flat. No exaggeration (I made up for this by # closing a hot 18year old in front of him 5 minutes later).

Then there is theslightly more passive game, which falls under this Starbucks tutorial.Society is very big on the idea of "Things just happening". Especiallyfor girls. Almost all love stories talk about the man and the woman,who are time and time again thrown together, against their will orexpectation, until they finally realize their love for each other andget down to business. We can take advantage of this in Starbucks.You’re not there to talk to girls - they just happened to sit down nextto you because it’s crowded, and this was the only seat. And you justhappened to notice something about them. Very romantic and exciting.Also, no Starbucks "protectors of womens faith and innocence" cancockblock you - it looks like you’re just talking to friends.

Now, follow these steps :

• Justsit there. Do not scan. Concentrate on what you’ve brought toStarbucks, be it your book or your coffee, your celphone, whatever.

• Sitthere until 1 or 2 chicks sit down next to you (this should happen veryquickly in a crowded Starbucks). Leave them to chat for a minute ortwo.
• Then look over at them, like you notice something about them. ITDOESN’T MATTER IF THEY SEE YOU LOOK OR NOT. Don’t use theirnon-reaction as a reason to not approach. They will definitely noticeif you do it coolly and in a relaxed way.
• Then blank your mind, say"Excuse me," pause, then begin talking. When you jump out of a plane,your next action is to fall. Similarly, when you open like this, youwill find something to say.

To make it easier for yourself, have somegeneric openers. Here are some that many have found very effective :

• "Excuse me, are you guys talking about traveling? I really want to explore some more of Asia. Do you have some recommendations?"
• "Excuseme, are you studying English? I have a friend who is trying to learnEnglish, she is going to study in Canada soon. How did you learn?"
• "Excuse me, what are you drinking? Is that the new cinnamon drink? What’s it like?"

Aftera short while of talking, and after they get over the initial shock oftalking to someone they do not know (+ getting over that you’re agaijin), change the subject to something else. Follow the 90/10conversation rule (90% you, 10% them) for the first 10 minutes so theyrelax a bit and feel like opening up. Then you want to find some kindof common ground as quickly as possible, which you can transition intoa number close.

They tend to leave right after thenumber close,so stay seated. 5-15 minutes later, contestant #2 will turn up. It’slike doing Speed dating, except they don’t know they’re speed dating,and you don’t have to pay any money, and the chicks are normal. Plusyou can get real work done in the downtime. It’s fantastic.

Thisworks at any Starbucks. If you see a chick you really like, or if theStarbucks is very quiet, I suggest you find someone, and sit down nextto them. Look engrossed in what you’re doing for a while, then look upat them, and simply follow the steps above as normal.

I might post some Starbucks stories from start to finish if there is some interest.