Jun 12 2007
Overcoming Fears
People are held back tremendously by a multitude of tiny fears. These fears can easily add up to be a paralyzing force in picking up chicks, and in life in general. Here are three solutions to this:
1) Work out in your mind, in advance, why it is totally OK, and right, and good for you to be doing what you want to do. (If you conclude it is NOT, don’t do it.)
You want younger girls? If you have any qualms about it going in, you’re not gonna do well. Moral qualms, the fear of bystanders’ reaction, the fear of her parents, etc. Well then it ain’t gonna happen! You gotta determine in a very definite way that it’s OK, good, and right for you to do it, OR that you just don’t care and the rewards outweigh the risks.
2) Expand your thought-action space. Whenever the idea to do something pops into your head, ask yourself if it scares you to do it. If it scares you - and it is not actually dangerous - DO IT. As you’re out walking around, ask yourself, "Is it scary if I do THIS?" "Would it be scary if I did THAT?" Start small, expanding your thought-action space in little ways, and work your way up.
Example: You notice for some reason you are not making eye contact with people as you’re walking by. It’s a habit, and you’ve probably long forgotten the reasons why you do it. It’s now just a bit scary to make eye contact. So, the moment you’re outside and you notice that, start doing it. Make eye contact with every single person who naturally comes into your view. Notice that nothing special happens, except maybe they get scared and look away.
Now let’s say you can make eye contact with everyone, but you can’t smile or allow yourself to look approachable while doing it. This is a common one for guys who’ve been in Japan a long time, as we learn that doing this causes random people to talk to us, and out of annoyance we gradually shut it out by not looking approachable. You asked yourself if it was scary if you continue making eye contact and add in a smiling face and approachable air. You found that yes, the thought does scare you, so…you….must…DO IT, and do it right now.
Now say the thought pops into your head to "accidentally" brush or lightly bump into people as they’re passing. Scary? Then DO IT. Notice nothing bad happens.
Each of these moves builds your confidence and gains you momentum to do more "scary" things. It comes in less obvious forms, too. Say you’re bicycle’s brakes squeak loudly all the time. If you’re in a crowded area does it scare you to engage the brakes hard? Immediately DO IT. People make look at you, but notice nothing special happens. But before that, you may have been riding by a chick who you wanted to approach, but you felt it too awkward to engage your noisy brakes. Now you can, and this change took 2 seconds of your time to make!
This is one way to "grow some balls" - gradually.
In the case of younger girls, perhaps you can ask directions from most people, but not from younger, hotter girls. See one? DO IT. You can touch most girls on the upper arm when they laugh, but have this irrational fear of in the case of younger girls. They laugh - DO IT. Can you get in trouble for this? Is it actually dangerous to you in any way? Of course not. Have a little balls and live a little!
3) The Secret (search it on You Tube or thesecret.tv)
Know what you want, determine that it’s OK, right, and good for you to want and have it (see #1), and then put the law of attraction into action by visualizing what you want, doing it with passion, totally enjoying the feeling of already having it exactly as you want it. This passion will destroy the fear and simultaneously attract what you want to you.
There are many ways to apply it. Try going out today and "attracting" a makeout. Notice how thinking about making out with chicks on the street makes it a lot easier to do the exercises in #2 above, and also makes it simple to decide your course of action with each girl.
Questions? Comments? amanojacktokyo@yahoo.com
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